You're a nice guy Gary.

It was a beautiful sunny day, the bin across the road had caught fire which brought many a lovely fireman into my direct line of vision, my work colleagues were swell and all was perfect in my little bubble. It seems that it the sky clouded over, the firemen vanished and my little bubble was popped from the moment I stepped into a little restaurant in Malvern…

My telly-date (whom I shall name Gary Ablett from here on in) was late. I was made to wait around by the production crew even though it was incredibly obvious that I didn’t want to be there. I’m a punctual person, I like others to be punctual. I don’t like sitting in a restraint on my own for half an hour with a camera directed at me, catching my every pissed off glance at the door. Gary Ablett managed to make it to the date and apologise for being half an hour late (taxis, hair, clothing, diamonte belt buckle etc) and settled down with a beer. We had some idle chit chat for a while about nothing particularly exciting. The entire experience was so bland, I’m not entirely sure that I was there for it as I have little recollection of the hour and a bit we spent together. He made little effort to learn anything about me or my life (bar the requisite “so you have tattoos” conversation). To be honest, I am not sure that Gary Ablett really cared whether I was there or not. I could have died in his hotel room of an overdose (terrible joke I know) and his response would not have been dissimilar to his dear namesake. He spent a fair bit of time looking at the lights, eating squid and drinking beer. I spent a fair bit of time doing what I do best – overcompensating for an arrogant twit by being overly friendly, charming and interested in topics that normally make me want to lie down in a hotel room and… well, you get the hint.

After my date got up and left, I had to do my post date interview. I was 80% certain I would not be attending our rendezvous meeting scheduled for later that evening, but producers being producers decided it would make “like totally amazing television” if I was terribly undecided. So, We spent a lot of time filming me walk up and down the street looking torn (looking forward to my logie nomination later this year), and then I jumped into a cab and headed home. I had a beer and a bath, and tucked myself into bed for I was exhausted. I have to point out here, I was a little concerned that he might have turned up at the rendezvous point and that I was deliberately standing someone up, which made me feel pretty terrible. Not terrible enough that I didn’t sleep incredibly soundly last night but terrible enough to think about him for a moment and hope for the best.

This morning I had to go and do my post date interviews, I sailed through those and found out that Gary Ablett hadn’t turned up at the rendezvous meeting point either. It was not a feeling of rejection that passed through my body, but a massive sense of relief. I thought it was fantastic that we both felt that it was a pretty fucking terrible date and that neither of us thought that meeting again was a good idea. That whole “it’s okay buddy, the feeling is mutual” feeling sat with me so well, it almost warmed my heart.

So, I left my post date interview and stepped back out into the sun. Gang of Four was on my ipod, I had remembered my sunnies this morning and everything was settled again. I looked up, and Gary Ablett was crossing the road, heading towards me. We walked up to eachother with big smiles on our faces... I said “Hey Gary, I just found out that you didn’t turn up last night either!” he laughed and he said “Thank god, I felt terrible about possibly standing you up!” I replied with “No, It’s totally fine, there was no chemistry and the only reason I would have turned up was because I was worried about hurting your feelings." He agreed. We laughed, we hugged, high fived and wished each other all the best with the future and I wandered back to work with no ill feeling whatsoever.

Gary Ablett might have been a crap date, he might have been the complete opposite to what I am attracted to and we might have had nothing in common apart from the fact we are both the same species, but away from the pressure of the cameras and a barking producer he was a really nice guy, who was worried about hurting my feelings and wanted to wish me all the best. I hope he finds someone that can outdance him on the floors of Geelong’s finest nightclubs.

cmx