Question: What do all of the following things have in common?
1. The noise from the construction site across the road from my office.
2. Vampires.
3. Public transport.
4. Vaccum cleaners.
5. the cafe near my house shut at 4:00pm.
6. Straws.
7. Miscommunication.
8. Mosquitos.
A. They all suck.
cmx
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
sweet six pack.
Yesterday morning I found myself at the pool. I did my laps and felt satisfied. I'd managed to do something productive before someone or something came along and fucked my day up. After lapping, I'd hopped out of the pool and was drying myself off. A tall man walked towards me with a smile on his face, I checked frantically to make sure I was still in my swimmers (thankfully, yes. everything was still in it's place) and looked him straight in the eye with what must have been a very puzzled look on my face. He said to me "Oh whoa! That is an awesome scar! From far away it looks like you have a sweet six pack." and walked off.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
skinny bitch snippet #1
My mum is amazing... mentally unwell but means well. When she found out that boyfriend and I had split she ran down to the nearest Borders and got me what she thought were a couple of books that would help me through it. This is in line with my usual post break up behaviour but I have a tendancy to walk past SELF HELP and straight to Sociology... Mum didn't make it that far and as a result I am a proud owner of Skinny Bitch, Skinny Bitch in the Kitch (the matching cookbook) and Skinny Bitchin' (some kind of fucked up journal).
I have picked up Skinny Bitch and started reading it only becuase I have finished all of the books that have been lying around my bed and I was starting to get desperate for distraction while waiting for peacal to lend me the latest Twilight novel. The book is so afwul it makes me want to vomit everytime I pick it up. It is so stupid that it actually hurts my brain to read it and I told a girl on the tram who was reading it to "throw it out the window! It'll be the best thing you ever did!"
The idea behind this book is that it's a "no nonsense, tough-love guide for savvy girls who want to stop eating crap and start looking fabulous" and it's written by two former Ford Models. Oh yes... I'm sure the two incredibly beautiful and concerningly skinny bitches on the back know all about being overweight and having crap skin and having a love/ hate relationship with sugar like I do. Errrgh.. Makes me seven kinds of mad really. I know how hard it is to lose weight. I have the pictures to prove it and these girls are making it sound like a click of the fingers to change your attitude about food and exercise and SHAZAM! you can be a skinny bitchin' ex ford model alien looking creature.
This is my favourite:
"Don't smoke. Don't even try some pathetic excuses such as , "but if I quit smoking, I'll gain weight." No one wants to hear it. Cigarettes are for losers. They are so totally 1989 and uncool. Smokings out. Give it up."
Oh yes... because it's so simple to give up smoking you vacuous bitches. Just like that. You say it and it's done. Excuse me while I rip my own head off and ram thirty cigarettes into the gaping hole and light them all at once.
It's kind of what your book makes me want to do. more to come as I can stomach it.
cmx
I have picked up Skinny Bitch and started reading it only becuase I have finished all of the books that have been lying around my bed and I was starting to get desperate for distraction while waiting for peacal to lend me the latest Twilight novel. The book is so afwul it makes me want to vomit everytime I pick it up. It is so stupid that it actually hurts my brain to read it and I told a girl on the tram who was reading it to "throw it out the window! It'll be the best thing you ever did!"
The idea behind this book is that it's a "no nonsense, tough-love guide for savvy girls who want to stop eating crap and start looking fabulous" and it's written by two former Ford Models. Oh yes... I'm sure the two incredibly beautiful and concerningly skinny bitches on the back know all about being overweight and having crap skin and having a love/ hate relationship with sugar like I do. Errrgh.. Makes me seven kinds of mad really. I know how hard it is to lose weight. I have the pictures to prove it and these girls are making it sound like a click of the fingers to change your attitude about food and exercise and SHAZAM! you can be a skinny bitchin' ex ford model alien looking creature.
This is my favourite:
"Don't smoke. Don't even try some pathetic excuses such as , "but if I quit smoking, I'll gain weight." No one wants to hear it. Cigarettes are for losers. They are so totally 1989 and uncool. Smokings out. Give it up."
Oh yes... because it's so simple to give up smoking you vacuous bitches. Just like that. You say it and it's done. Excuse me while I rip my own head off and ram thirty cigarettes into the gaping hole and light them all at once.
It's kind of what your book makes me want to do. more to come as I can stomach it.
cmx
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
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